“Writing improves in direct ratio to the number of things we can keep out of it that shouldn’t be there.”
-William Zinsser, On Writing Well
Breaking your writing down to the minimum number of words necessary is not easy, especially if you work internally. When you are immersed in a company’s culture it is hard to remember that everyone doesn’t speak your language. In addition to “corporatese”, it is human nature to choose bigger words and add unnecessary adjectives. For example, I searched for a Realtor in my town and clicked on the first website. I found this:
“Our comprehensive service contracts will protect you against the mechanical breakdown of covered systems and appliances in your future home for a full year from date of closing.”
What does that mean? “Comprehensive service contracts,” say what your services are, not that they are comprehensive. It could have said, “If the appliances in your new home breakdown within the first year of closing, we cover all costs.” I’m not sure what “covered systems” are. If there are more items covered than appliances, name them. This is clear and helpful to your potential clients.
Author William Faulkner said, “He [Hemingway] has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” In response, Hemingway said, “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? He thinks I don’t know the ten-dollar words. I know them all right. But there are older and simpler and better words, and those are the ones I use.” Hemingway wasn’t talking about internet writing but his words are true today. The average reading level of internet users is six to eighth grade. Large words, long sentences, and too many adjectives lose people. If it isn’t the reading level, it’s attention span. Why are you writing like Faulkner when you know the idea of somone grabing a dictionary is laughable?
To improve the writing on your website, you need to do two things:
1. Be Clear - Go through your writing and eliminate words that serve no purpose. This will make your sentences shorter and to the point. Eliminate words that are unnecessarily long and pompous. If there is a shorter word, use it. If you are a business to business site, you will have to use some corporate jargon but remember to be clear.
2. Be Transparent - Ask yourself, “Would I say that in conversation?” This will help you to identify the words that are “salesy” or pompous which place a barrier between you and your readers. It is important to be yourself. People want to connect with services and products. They cannot do this if your site is loaded with jargon and empty words
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William Knight 07.27.09 at 12:34 am
Very interesting article. I liked the Hemmingway quote though I must admit to never having read any. (Faulkner I have read however).